Worlds Colliding

It's just an atypical Monday night. We had a big snow storm last night, so I worked from home today. Lena works tonite so was home at the same time as me, on a weekday, something that happens about as often as the NFL moving a football game to a Tuesday. So I'm sitting at my computer, waiting for Lena to do her hair so we can head out to meet my friend Andy, who I haven't seen in it seems like forever and who she has never met.

Earlier in the day we got a package...inside was a plethora of a baked goods from the one and only Newt. Yup, I'm convinced she is trying to fatten me up so that if the situation ever arose, she could eat me. She's just that diabolical. She even sent gluten free goodies for Lena, though I'm fairly certain that was out of good will and not part of a larger plan to to turn her into food.

Then suddenly, worlds collided! Lena friended Newt on facebook, Newt accepted in about 4 seconds because by the look of some of the people she has friended I'm pretty sure she has her fb set to auto-accept any request, and now they can talk to each other and shit.

Um, I'm not sure what else I was going to say. I'm continuing this post 3 hrs later after coming back from a great dinner at a place I normally avoid, TGI Fridays. Train of thought and associated funny comments - completely lost. Oh well.

-The Jew

Typical conversations with Newt

Not Newt (1:27:53 PM) : ugh i need food

Newt (1:28:19 PM) : I’ve got some chicken and mozzarella ravioli

Not Newt (1:28:21 PM) : i won like 300 yesterday so i was gonna treat myself to some KFC..how sad is that?

Not Newt (1:28:26 PM) : pretty sad right?

Newt (1:28:26 PM) : ...

Newt (1:28:28 PM) : yea

Not Newt (1:28:34 PM) : like pathetic

Not Newt (1:28:43 PM) : dude i want some of whatever it was you just said

Newt (1:29:05 PM) : what i just said?

Newt (1:29:09 PM) : lol the ravioli?

Newt (1:29:15 PM) : ill make you some

Not Newt (1:29:24 PM) : technically in only won 150, but i also let a dude borrow 150 from me so i guess i won 300

Not Newt (1:29:34 PM) : yeah man i want t hat

Not Newt (1:29:40 PM) : whatever ravioli is

Not Newt (1:30:00 PM) : weirdo

Not Newt (1:30:06 PM) : chef Boyardee makes that right

Newt (1:30:08 PM) : i like chicken and prosciutto ravioli better

Newt (1:30:10 PM) : lol

Newt (1:30:11 PM) : no

Not Newt (1:30:21 PM) : i am pretty sure he does

Newt (1:30:32 PM) : not my kind of ravioli

Not Newt (1:30:47 PM) : one time when the power was out i ate that shit cold out of the can

Newt (1:30:51 PM) : ....

Not Newt (1:30:52 PM) : not my proudest moment

Newt (1:30:57 PM) : at least hold a lighter under that shit

Newt (1:30:59 PM) : seriously

Not Newt (1:31:11 PM) : u have no idea the shit i eat

Not Newt (1:31:14 PM) : it's bad

Newt (1:31:18 PM) : okay seriously

Newt (1:31:20 PM) : im almost a chef

Not Newt (1:31:22 PM) : i need a chef in my life

Newt (1:31:30 PM) : don't be awful

Newt (1:31:33 PM) : lol

Newt (1:31:40 PM) : i made a salt encrusted roast for Christmas

Newt (1:31:54 PM) : with twice baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and sour cream

Not Newt (1:31:55 PM) : if i had nickel for every time someone told me to stop being awful

Not Newt (1:32:03 PM) : omg omg omg omg omg

Newt (1:32:04 PM) : :D

Not Newt (1:32:13 PM) : i would rape a pig for a twice baked potato right now

Newt (1:32:14 PM) : and garlic and butter corn bbq'd

Newt (1:32:24 PM) : i love cooking

Newt (1:32:41 PM) : though i dont get too fancy im a meat and potatoes girl at heart

Not Newt (1:32:42 PM) : man there was this basketball dinner thing that we go to every year

Newt (1:32:48 PM) : just a variety of tato's

Not Newt (1:32:51 PM) : and every year they give us twice baked potatoes

Not Newt (1:33:06 PM) : so like i cancelled a dinner with my mom so i could go to this thing this year

Newt (1:33:11 PM) : lol

Not Newt (1:33:13 PM) : and there was no twice baked potato

Newt (1:33:16 PM) : HAHAHA

Newt (1:33:17 PM) : thats what you get

Not Newt (1:33:21 PM) : i fucking almost lost my shit

Newt (1:33:25 PM) : you should have taken her

Not Newt (1:33:45 PM) : give me my fucking twice baked potato you fucking taliban terrorist motherfuckers

Newt (1:33:53 PM) : i want you so bad right now

Not Newt (1:34:01 PM) : :P

Not Newt (1:34:17 PM) : because of my love for potatoes?

Newt (1:34:28 PM) : i feel like this conversation should be saved for all eternity

Newt (1:34:38 PM) : i thikn I'll post it on my blog

Not Newt (1:34:48 PM) : sweet

Not Newt (1:34:56 PM) : i'll be famous

I love technology

I just got finished reading some rant against facebook (on imdb of all places, where people love to go and rip fellow internet geeks), and I don't get it.

One person claimed the internet is ruining our generation. He doesn't need facebook or a cell phone to keep in touch with old friends, he can just call them from his home phone. Can you believe this. He doesn't have a cell phone. wtf? Why are people so resistant to change? This is the same guy who refused to use a telephone or watch tv until 1960, refused to ride a train til 1910, refused to use written language until whenever the hell 25 yrs after that was invented was.

I had a whole long rant written out but deleted it. It just wasn't worth it. I just wanna pull a Jay & Silent Bob - how many people want to kick some ass? Why do people get so angry cos I have facebook on my phone and check it often? Why is it wrong that I use facebook to get back in touch with old friends? Does that fact that I probably wouldn't have found them another way make our connection worthless?

Oh and while i'm trying not to rant, people who give the Aliens Anthology box set 1 star on amazon cos they didn't like Aliens 3 or Aliens Resurrection should be punched repeatedly in the face because they are fucking clown shoes.

I acknowledge that this is a horribly written, unorganized, you-shouldn't-even-call-it-a-blog post btw. I just needed to get my thoughts down. And I sure as hell wasn't about to post it on imdb.

-Adam

So Terribly Tempted

I don't think Adam blogs enough. I'm terribly tempted to make this blog Newts Awesome Blogorama or something. But I won't. But I'm tempted. I've got my eye on you, Jew.

Anyway. Today, I am sore. I went river rafting for the first time yesterday. I didn't get burnt, and it was quite awesome, but I went in there with a totally skewed view of what the fuck I was getting myself into. Seriously. When one says you will be floating down a river, MY first thought is, I am going to be laying on my ass in a tube, with a soda and a sandwich. I was wrong. This was 8 miles of 4 people paddling for 6 people, (because the two in the back were making goo goo eyes at each other). It took about 7 hours, with stops for food and drinks and some water wars. It was SUPER fun. I can't wait to do it again. But....At least next time I will know that it is going to be work.

I wonder if that's why no one told me lol.

Mid Year Movie Update

I feel like I spent a good portion of the year at the movies so far. I guess I haven't seen too many, so hey. But here is my mid summer recap.

District 13: Ultimatum - Never got to see this one. I noticed it was already on sale at the store though so I may need to pick it up.

From Paris With Love - I think this movie was out of the theaters about an hour after it was released. By the time I went to the theater to actually see it, it was gone. I haven't seen it on sale however yet though.

The Wolfman - Also unsurprising I didn't catch this one either. I swear I thought I'd been to the movies more. This one was also gone faster than I made it to the theater.

Shutter Island - Ended up not having the interest in it I thought I would. Rumors abound it didn't do well.

Cop Out - Again, out for like a week? WTH I'm annoyed.

The Crazies - Sigh, didn't see it either. Coworker said it was decent though.

Alice in Wonderland - Perhaps I am strange but I LOVED this movie. I think it was awesome. I heard that it wasn't that great, but actually, I really enjoyed it.

Clash of the Titans - It was ok. the 3-D was absolutely terrible, but the 2-D version was passable. More of a renter, I think.

Repo Men - The movie itself was fairly predictable but I liked it. The soundtrack is phenomenal.

The Losers - A surprise hit I think. Adored it, and have continued to quote it since. BlaGuyver

Kick-Ass - Still want to see this one, I need to get to the theater before it's gone.

A Nightmare on Elm Street - So disappointed. Scowl. They ruined Freddy.

Iron Man 2 - Yea, it was awesome and fun and funny. But, it was pretty linear. I didn't get anything I didn't expect.

Movies I saw that I hadn't thought I'd see:

How to Train Your Dragon - SO FAR MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF THE YEAR!!!!

And that's that. Check back in a few months for the rest.

-Newt

This is America. Speak English.

I work in a very small but diverse group. I am the only "majority", and I may even be considered a minority since I'm Jewish. The other members of our group are Russian, Vietnamese, Indian and Hispanic. And we all communicated perfectly - in English.

So why am I mentioning this? Well, I saw some friends who joined a Facebook page "This is America. Speak whatever language you want" and it set me off. The page description is "Just because you're American doesn't mean you have to be a closed-minded prick," and there are about 50 different versions of the comment "So hypocritical... wish all "Americans" who say they speak English could actually speak English..." Let me just say right off the bat that this last comment has nothing to do with speaking English. This is a way to take a jab at people without supporting your argument. Someone who can't spell and speaks some weird redneck language still speak English and they can still be understood, usually. Hell, there are probably grammatical and spelling mistakes in this blog.

Nothing bothers me as much as extreme right-wing and left-wing views. In my opinion this is so far liberal it frustrates the hell out of me. I don't expect someone coming to America to already know English. And I don't expect them to learn it in a week or a month. But they SHOULD HAVE to learn it. First off it's highly unlikely they can get a job to support their families if they only know their native language. Secondly, how is everyone supposed to communicate if we don't have a common language? If I moved to France I'd make an effort to learn French. Same goes for Spanish if I moved to Spain, and so on. But I constantly run into situations where a person doesn't understand me because they don't speak English. I actually had to put a note in Spanish on my water bottle that read "No Botar" so that the cleaning lady wouldn't throw out my disposable water bottle. If she had been Chinese I would've had to start hiding my bottles.

Look, I know this is a free country and I love that. I love America and I love that it's a 'melting pot'. Hell I love that there are forums where people can be as liberal or conservative as they like. But there is a point where you just can't let anyone do whatever they want. We can't have everything in every language. Amongst your friends and family you can speak whatever language you like. But if you ever need to interact with other people in America, I'm sorry, but you need to speak English.

- Adam

Maverick

Around 6 years ago or so, I went with my mother to meet a woman in a grocery store parking lot. Puppy, advertised relatively cheaply. We were hesitant, it was a little expensive. But as this dog popped his little puppy head over the womans shoulder I knew instantly my mother would get the dog. We think he was abused before we got him. He was always a little weird. He had major separation anxiety. He broke a screen on a window when we were gone and was sitting on our grass when we got home. He went through 2...I think only 2, door frames into the garage. He was mean sometimes, he got bit by the neighbor child and then got a little more aggressive. We'd been working on that. He was a douche sometimes. But he was also my protector. When I had my surgery he curled up with me all the time and made sure no one bumped me. When my brother and I play fought he would jump at my brother and keep me safe. He was my baby. We would sleep next to each other all the time and he snored like a person. When he got hurt two days ago, I never imagined the result would be that we had to put him down this morning. But the surgery, not only super expensive, was not a guaranteed fix. And it would take 3 months of 24 hour care, which we just cannot do right now. I miss him so much right now, and I hope to God that he is happy in Heaven right now, wagging his tail down at us. I love you Maverick.

-Newt

Tolerance WTF.

So, I like to think I am pretty tolerant of other peoples political views.  I never press my views upon anyone, and tend to discuss them only with like minded people.  I find it AWESOME today that by posting on twitter that I find the double standard of people I know (Like my supervisors and coworkers) discussing politics that differ from my own, openly, and berate the politicians they are discussing by calling them airheads, idiots, (one friend even said the anti-Christ) I Get bashed.  I really don't care what your politics are.  However, in my place of employment, wether it is mostly Democratic or not to my Republican, I don't think it should be discussed at all, unless it will directly affect how we operate.  Calling someone an airhead doesn't do anything for operations.  And frankly the double standard is annoying.  I don't care for many of the Presidents politics, yet never have I in a public forum bashed him.  He is still the president.  We still need to support him.  But the moment I mention that I am a Republican I get all sorts of interesting hate messages.  Some people simply saying they are surprised they are my friend, others telling me to go jump off a cliff, etc.  I find this fascinating, because AS a Republican, I have NEVER told any of my democratic friends that I want them to jump off a cliff, or that I am startled we are friends.  Simply because, as friends you shouldn't judge them.  Shocking, I know.  Good call for tolerance people.  Nice to know you practice what you preach.
 
-Newt

P.S. If you don't like it. Don't follow me. I don't care.

Something a little more serious

So, as a general rule I refrain from posting too much in the way of seriousness on this blog. I find it easier overall to just be silly and post things that make people laugh. But this last week and a half have been particularly rough for me, emotionally and physically. And I have no one local to talk about it anymore. If you don't want to read a serious post, skip this one, I don't mind.

My closest friend and I both got drunk and in a huge argument. Like most arguments go, both of us think we are the wronged party, and even after we kind of explained it to one another, we haven't really talked much. I'm not sure we will. I definitely feel wronged, and I am sure she does, and since we're both uniquely stubborn it will probably simmer for a long while before one of us breaks to talk to to the other. I don't really blame her, but I'm still hurt at the moment, and I'm sure she is as well. So, needless to say I feel very alone right now. We still had problems in our friendship regardless, she often said or did things that seemed like she had a problem with the way I acted or behaved anyway. I often felt like she had to be in total control of a situation and if I stepped out of that zone it would upset her. I don't know anymore.

My ex and I, who were friendly, also had a fight that same night. Again we both feel wronged, but in particular I felt betrayed and that he had picked sides and I was the one left alone. He's apologized, but I still feel like that trust that we had to back each other is gone and it doesn't make me happy. So I feel alone there too. And I miss him, he was my confidant.

I've had my third abnormal pap smear also, for those that don't know, that is a bad thing, especially as I keep having them. The realities of it, are that I could, potentially have cancer, or possibly have too much damage in whatever is going on down there. Some people know that I've had significant 'girlie' problems over the last few years and it seems to be getting progressively worse. The doctors aren't saying much but there's a chance I will never be able to have children. I'm trying to stay positive on this and think of the plus sides...such as (once I have my tummy tuck following weight loss) I will have an awesome stomach forever. Also, if I get my boobs done (another surgery hopefully covered by insurance) those will be perky until I'm 90. Maybe 91. So I go on May 18th to get more stuff looked at and possibly have chunks cut out of me for biopsy. (woo?). I've done it before, and it hurts, but I'll have the day off work.

On top of all that I've had vertigo for nearly 5 days now. In fact as I type this, the screen is kind of rocking back and forth from side to side, or so my eyes tell me. I don't like this constant dizzy feeling, and about an hour ago it started to get a lot worse than it has been. I went to the doctor this morning and gave away 17 vials of blood, no charge, for testing. The doctors hope that this part of it is just anemia based, but we'll see. I'm trying to stay positive there too. If it is iron deficiency anemia, my doctor is going to get me into a blood specialist and see about transfusions. So that will hopefully help.

My grandmother died a few weeks ago, and I've got a lot of guilt pent up about that. I hadn't seen her much lately. It was upsetting to us both, as she thought I was her daughter that passed away. That upset her, when realization set in, and I just didn't want to remember my grandmother as frail.

I don't know, I feel very alone these days. People I had thought were my friend have gone silent. I think because they were friends with the girl I fought with first. I see them talking to other people, but I'm left by the wayside. I'm not sure how that is friendship but I guess that is how it goes. I've never been the most sociable of people to begin with, and I think I was crawling out of my shell. But it all seems to be shot down right now.

Instead I've been trying to immerse myself in other things, work when I can, trying to figure out my plans for school, listening to audio books. (Those work great with my A.D.D. tendencies as I can listen while I hop around from task to task). I try to chat with people when I can online, but it's holding less appeal than it used to. I think I'm allowing a pretty shitty depression to take over me and I am not sure how to break out of it right now. The weather certainly isn't helping. I hate gloomy days.

I miss my friends, I miss being out and about. I miss being happy to be by myself. I don't know anymore though. Sometimes being alone is easier. Just not happier.

-Newt

Gays are violent?

So. I am not Gay. I don't care if you are. What you wanna stick where or with who isn't my concern. However! Facebook thinks I am gay. My daily Advertisements consist of frequent Gay ads, and okay, whatever. HOWEVER! FACEBOOK YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!

Gays are violent?!?! Really?! Are all Gays Gun-toting Dominatrix women or something!?

That's actually kind of hot.

But I digress. These ads are getting weirder and weirder. Someone stop the facebook madness. Please.

-Newt

Clash of the Titan Review (possible spoilers)

Things I learned while watching Clash of the Titans

1) It is totally okay to be a creepy stalker pervert cougar as long as you are ageless.
2) Being a demi god gives you instant ninja skills
3) I don't like 3D movies. At all.
4) When the gods gift you with a sword, it's totally a lightsaber in disguise.
5) Random poisons can be healed by blue flame
6) To be a god on Mount Olympus, one must submit to being bedazzled.
7) Snake ladies are not nice, but they have nifty arrows.
8) If you are going to turn a SUPERHUGEGINORMOUSMONSTROUSLYLARGE Monster to stone, in the ocean, prepare for a big splash.
9) You will not drown. You will simply wash up on shore holding hands and come to later.
10) while I am deathly afraid of things that fly, and horses are not my all time favorite animal, I, for some reasons, want a Pegasus.
11) Trailers for movies about owls are lame.
12_ If, when looking at Hades, you say Oh my Goth, and you're brother thinks you said Sephiroth....both are kinda relevant.


And that's all I can think of for now. I am dozing off already. So. Bye

-Newt

Morton Salt

So. I don't get the Morton Salt slogan on the container. When it rains it pours? WTF. When things are bad they are going to get worse? AND WE'RE GOING TO POUR SALT ON THE FUCKING WOUND?!?!

Assholes.

-Newt

Dear little brother

Dear Little Brother,
 
You almost died today.  And I do not mean in that Call of Duty, Halo, or whatever the heck it is you were playing at 5 am way.  I mean in the "Yes I understand you are on Spring Break but I, your darling sister, am not, and I have to get up for work early today" way.  I wholeheartedly understand your need to tell the people on your team 'DUDE OMG WTF BBQ' when they mess up, or get in your way.  I ALSO TRULY do understand you needing to yell 'DUDE I STABBED YOU 65 TIMES!' at the TV when the bad guys don't die.  However, if you do not cease and desist this behavior at 5 AM, except on weekends, I may be forced to come in your room and strangle you while you sleep.  I know I cannot do this when you are awake, as I am not very strong and you are 10 years younger than me, and probably more agile, but you sleep like the dead when you are asleep, and I could probably throttle you before you even woke up.  Remember when the house alarm went off and you slept through it?  This is proof I could probably win a battle.
 
Please cease and desist.  You ARE my brother, and I DO love you, but I am not afraid to kick the snot out of you on a work day.
 
Love always,
 
Newt.

OCD much?

So.  I have a slightly obsessive personality.  I say this light heartedly.  But it's true.  What?  Do I have over 70 hours clocked into FFXIII, and have finished GOW3, and work full time, and go out at night and not get home until 4 am and get up for work at 7?  Yes.  And I fully plan on crashing the eff out when I get home tonight from work.  Yea that's right, I am writing a blog at work, but on my break, cause I value having my job.  (Also they can read our emails and since I will be emailing this to myself to post from my phone because the blog site is blocked at work, it never hurts to kiss posterior) <3<3<3.  (OH BTW I would like to point out that my office feels like winter, and I don't like it) Anyway.  Back to my Obsessiveness.  Today I am obsessed with a new blog to the point of distraction.  I am pretty sure the chick is in my head.  She writes how I think.  But not how I am clever enough to write.  Once my fingers touch the keyboard I pretty much become idiotic and start drooling like an idiot, making fart jokes, or whatever.
 
ANYWAY!  Gosh, no focus here today.
 
So Adam (Who gets to be called nice names [Like ADAM] in this blog today because I am going to send it from my work email) and I have decided we need to be funnier.  And so I will try to be more clever, and Adam is going to draw stick figures.  And ITS NOT PLAGIARIZING IF HE DRAWS HIS OWN STICK FIGURES!  Though if it is, somehow, that's all on him cause I can't draw.  So there.  Loser.


-newt.

You're my best friend I've never met

You're my best friend I've never met.
 
So...Adam is my best friend.  We've never met.  We may someday.  We may not.  I speak more freely to him than I do to anyone else in my life.  Except my mother of course.  She is also my best friend.  Between these two people, I have more trust and confidence and honesty then I ever expected.  I can tell Adam anything, and I mean ANYTHING.  How loud I burp, the color of my poop, my confusion on weird types of underwear, the fact that I am in a bad mood because of pms, how much weight I've lost, where my saggy skin problems are because of that weight loss, my favorite movies...I can tell him about dates I go on, dates I like and dates I don't like, why boyfriends are dumb, why boyfriends are awesome.  We can discuss anything in the world with no problem.  And we've never met. 
 
Do I want to?  Of course, he's promised me a tv if we do.  But do we have to?  Nah.  The internet is an amazing thing. 
 
BTW...Adam, no one cares about you at work. ;P
 
P.S.  I downloaded the Predators trailer.  Goosebumps yo.
 
P.P.S.  Wait...Adam told me brb mtg via IM this morning.....I see how you are now.
 
Jerk.
 
-Newt

brb...Meeting time...

This is why I love IM. In person or over the phone, it's close to impossible to stop a conversation that you no longer want to be a part of. Sometimes over the phone you can fake the old "Someone is calling through". But then you still seem like an asshole if you choose to take that call and hang up on your "friend". In person, forget about it. Short of dousing yourself with gasoline and lighting yourself on fire, you're talking as long as the other person does.

But with IM, you can have a fairly decent conversation and still end it whenever you want. My favorite is a simple 'brb'. Then just go do something else. Usually the person you're talking to will just sign off within 5-10 mins. At work it's even easier, just add a 'Meeting time" to the end. No one will question that you have a meeting at any point between 9 and 5. I don't recommend using an elaborate story that you'll likely forget in order to get out of an unending IM conversation. When a simple brb will do, why risk future confusion when your friend asks if your brother-in-law's penguin is okay.

So is it ironic that I'm actually in a meeting right now? Possibly. If I truly knew wtf ironic meant, or if I ever used it properly.

- Adam

All things in moderation

So, I don't know what to write about. There are a few topics floating around the emptiness that is presently my head. Part of me wants to write about the angst I have going on this week regarding my ex boyfriend, but I don't feel the need to bash him right now. For the moment, lets suffice it to say, he's a prick, and I've moved on, and am willing to view applications.

Instead lets list some random facts that people of the world may find amusing.

1.) I have an irrational dislike of orange peels. I will never peel an orange, and often request other people do it for me. If someone peels my orange I can eat it at my leisure, if they don't the orange will be wasted. I do not, however, have a problem, eating an orange that has a peel attached, IF someone has cut it into pieces for me.

2.) I am deathly afraid of things that fly. Birds, butterflies, anything of that nature. I don't know what it stems from, but I have no problem running away from them. In one instance I even shoved a coworker at a bird at took off running when it fluttered it's wings at me. I ran.

3.) I have been living in video game land for a few weeks. Dragon Age, Bayonetta, and now Final Fantasy 13. I'm loving it. God of War comes out in a few weeks. I don't expect to surface for a few more months.

4.) I want more tattoos. I have 3. I want a few more. I want a connect the dots design of some sort, because it seems cute. I want a chocobo and moogle tattoo. I also want a few more traditional tattoos.

5.) I took my dog for a walk just now. I am now making brownies to work that shit off.

6.) I'm obsessed with hair dye. I am trying desperately to not dye my hair right now, as I am going to cut my hair off this weekend.

7.) I can't draw. At all. Not even stick figures.

8.) I won't the spelling bee several times when I was younger. This makes me a spelling freak. I am NOT a grammar freak. But some people confuse the two.

I don't know what else to write right now. This was all more clever when I was in the shower. But FFXIII is calling me, so basically I do not care about any of you anymore.

Cheers.

P.S. You guys are pussies for making me change the font color today.

-Newt

How to waste a beautiful day

Editor's Note: This is not the only way to waste a beautiful day. This is just one suggestion.

Step 1: Get up way too early. This will be easy if you hold a normal 8ish-5ish job and have to drive more than 5 mins to get to work. If you actually want to eat breakfast and/or shower, it will be even easier.

Step 2: Go to work. It is likely that you sit in a cubicle all day within a larger office from which you cannot locate any windows to the outside world. If it's easier to look on your iphone for the current weather rather than look outside, you probably fit in this category.

Step 3: Stay inside for lunch. You may get the crazy notion that you can go outside and get lunch, or even eat outside. Incorrect. That would be taking advantage of a beautiful day. Instead, ask a co-worker to bring you back a sandwich. Bonus points if you get so crazy busy working that you don't even remember to eat lunch. That way you'll be extra cranky in the afternoon.

Step 4: Work late. If you leave at a normal hour you might catch some sunlight. At around 4pm, be sure to start working on something that you can't possibly finish by 5:30 but that you also can't leave until the following morning. Going to the bathroom or surfing the internet doesn't count.

Step 5: When the sun sets, leave work. When the creepy crawlers that live in your closet and under your bed come out to play, this is when you call it a day.

Step 6: Declare it's too late to work out. By this point in the day you have just enough time to go home and eat dinner before Lost comes on. You don't have time to change, sweat for 45 mins and then shower. Yeah, it's definitely too late to work out.

Step 7: Look at the clock. Holy shit it's already 9 pm? WTF.

Congratulations! You've wasted a perfectly beautiful day!

- Adam

What happened to Sesame Street?

So I caught an episode of Sesame Street today. Maybe the first time in 5 yrs or so. All I can say is, WTF happened to it??

There was no Cookie Monster, no Grover, no Big Bird, no Bert & Ernie...the first 10 minutes was a computer animated episode of what I believe was "Abby Cadabby" or something like that. Huh? It was ridiculous. Sesame Street is supposed to be live action and puppets and weird animated shorts that instill in kids a sense of A.D.D.

Now eventually there was a classic-type sketch with Elmo and Ricky Gervais. It made me laugh. It wasn't a classic muppet, but it worked. But then...back to the crap. It was very upsetting. This needs to be rectified or my kids will only watching episodes of Fraggle Rock and The Muppet Show on DVD. Or Holgraphic projector.

Oh before I go, why is it that if I buy a single on itunes, I can't upgrade to the full album when it comes out? That's double dipping. Now I'm gonna be forced to 'steal' BNL's new single until the album comes out in March. Damn you, Apple. Damn you.

- Adam

Newt here, saying hi

So, it's been a while since I blogged. I was busy breaking up with the boyfriend, collecting midget porn, out of town visiting my father, avoiding people, and just being anti-social in general.

I can't keep a boyfriend for more than 30 days. This has been tried and tested a few times over the past 3 years. I get bored, annoyed, irritated, less than happy, etc. Mostly, it's the bored thing. I think I date like a man. I hunt, I acquire, I move on. And since all of you men are pretty much boring, it doesn't help. I need someone with a bit of personality. My ex is not a bad person, at all. He's very sweet actually, and I hope he finds his way in life and a nicer woman. I need someone not a mouse. Unfortunately I live in Modesto, CA. All the men here are pinheads.

On a happy note though, my tax money came in last Friday. My goals for this afternoon are to

a: Grocery shop

b: Finish paying off FFXIII (And Nier for my spoiled brother! shh don't tell him)

c: Possibly purchase Bayonetta and Dante's Inferno.

Yea. I'm a geek.

Also, since I am a girl, and I like to brag. I bought two new pairs of pants this weekend. A size 11 and also...and they look weird to me, a size 9. Strangely, they fit. I don't think I've worn anything but a double digit since I was approx. 6 years old.

But I tried them on and they fit. Go figure.

Oh and I ordered Up. Cause I'm emo.

And I bought The Jew a belated present, cause I'm always broke.

I've bought a few other things but those are surprises.

shhh

Happy V-D Day....

Or whatever it's called.

-Newt

I don't get crotchless panties

So, I had to have crotchless panties explained to me by a MALE friend today. I am 26, female, and have never really owned lingerie in my life. Perhaps its the pain in the face due to the dentist appointment, or the vicodin running through my system but, I really, truly, could not wrap my head around how these panties worked. I kept imagining the panties just flapping in the breeze at front and back and just not looking cute at all. I have been browsing Fredericks, debating getting some lingerie. And these http://www.fredericks.com/Wide_Lace_Crotchless_Panty/91405,default,pd.html?cgid=sa2 are very cute. But I didn't understand how it worked. I get it now. Maybe I'll even get some someday. But, I really didn't understand until 2 minutes ago.

-Newt.

So there are a lot of movies coming out this year

I just feel like getting a list together of how much money I am basically going to lose this year.

February 5: District 13: Ultimatum

From Paris With Love

February 12: The Wolfman

February 19: Shutter Island

February 26: Cop Out

The Crazies

March 5: Alice in Wonderland

March 19: Season of the Witch (Maybe)

March 26: Clash of the Titans

April 2: Repo Men

April 9: The Losers

April 16: Kick-Ass

April 30: A Nightmare on Elm Street

May 7: Iron Man 2

May 14: Robin Hood

Takers

May 21: Shrek Forever After

May 28: Prince of Persia

June 11: The A-Team

The Karate Kid

June 18: Jonah Hex

Toy Story 3

July 9: Predators

July 16: Inception

August 13: The Expendables

August 20: Priest

August 27: Piranha 3-D (Awesome sauce!)

September 10: Resident Evil: Afterlife

That's as far as I went, but I imagine there are more. The Green Hornet, Harry Potter, Tron....

Either way. I'm gonna be broke.

Fuck.

-Newt

P.S. I'm too fucking tired to deal with formatting right now. Maybe later.

I hate The Biggest Loser

I'm not sure why I watch this show. I mean, I know why I used to watch the show. When I started on Weight Watchers it was sort of inspiring. Ok that's not entirely true. I basically liked to see everyone's before and after pictures. Now it's just annoying. Sooo much drama. At least 40% of the episode is crying or yelling. And at least once per episode, someone is educated on what Extra sugar free gum is (holy shit, what an amazing invention! Has the government been keeping this from people?!) But I still watch it. Why? Am I a glutton for punishment? Am I just an amazing moron? Let me know!

In other news, my girlfriend is freakin awesome. Last night she made baked chicken covered in bread crumbs and parmesan cheese, creamy parmesan risotto and green beans. And she weighed and measured everything out so I could calculate the total points (11, btw). It's nice to know that she supports me and will go out of her way to help me. And the dinner was restaurant quality. Seriously. Fucking. Delicious.

So is this the point of a blog. To write about whatever is on your mind even though it has no interest to anyone else in the world? Whatever, it's time for bed.

- Adam

We need more followers

I'm writing this blog for one reason only...to get more followers. We currently have only one - Newt's mom. If this was the Nielsens, that would count as 10,000 people. My goal is to double the number of followers we currently have.

Originally this entry was to be filled with trending topics from twitter, but why the hell are #LingerieDay and #NowPlaying trending topics? C'mon people, we're more interesting than that.

I will use this to attract other people who like #Aliens #baseball #DisneyWorld #boobs #gore #horrormovies #sex #Lost #KevinSmith #JossWhedon #Buffy #StarWars ... am I missing anything? If you like any of these topics, you are guaranteed to like this blog at least 20% of the time. And if you think about it, that's a pretty good percentage considering how many things in this world really suck.

So please, show your support for a couple of misfits on the coasts of America. Follow this blog, and drop us a comment or follow us on Twitter.

--Adam

There is a naked black man living in my phone.

So, I don't follow basketball. I don't know the first thing about it. I even wrote this entire thing about football and my boyfriend corrected me. So, anyway....back to the original programming. Apparently, Greg Oden had some nudie photos leaked. My friend @moiraine501 decided she wanted to see them. Since she was operating from an iTouch and not a computer, I somehow got nominated to find these pictures and send them to her. Voila. Awesome. I found them in under a minute and forwarded her the link. Nope. Not working on her iTouch. WHY?! So. I'm a good friend. I go back to the site with the giant black penis. Hit print screen on my laptop, paste it into paint, (cause I'm a technogadgeteer and have high quality programs like paint on my laptop), crop out the actual image, and then save it. Then...email it to my cell phone, and MMS it to her. Because that's what friends do, DAMNIT!

But now...there is a naked black man living on my phone.

Won't Jayson (My best male coworker friend that happens to be black) be mad it's not him.

-Newt

Nearly 3 months later

November 9th, 2009, my dog got hit by a car. His back right paw was degloved (The skin was literally...like peeled off) and he had some pretty severe road rash on one side. After 2 months of dealing with an infected leg, the vet recommended that his leg be removed. That was 3 weeks ago. Today he had his stitches removed, finally. DONE! No more problems. He still can't jump very well. But he runs, he hops a little, he plays, he rolls around, he makes his silly noises again. My dog is a fucking Jedi.

Btw. His name is Toby Wan Kenobi.

He will fuck you up.

-Newt

Mahalo Means You're Retarded (So says Adam the Jew)

Disney movies make me cry. I'm female, yes. I watch movies where people are gutted, body parts are cut off, explosions, blowing up of people and buildings. I can watch a actual autopsy on TV and be like oh nifty. But you throw an animated Disney movie at me and I blubber like a baby. It's pathetic. Lilo and Stitch...bawled. Finding Nemo....Bawled. Beauty and the Beast...(once I got over that hideous nose they saddled Beast with in human form)....bawled. Little Mermaid not so much, that bitch was spoiled rotten. Cinderella, I loved for the mice. I'm trying to collect Disney movies these days on DVD, and it's been an effort. I can't always afford them when they are released, and sometimes I don't know about it until it's too late. But eventually I will have them all. The problem is, I don't open them. In all actuality I should probably buy two copies at a time. One to keep and one to watch. I can watch Disney pretty fanatically. I think I've seen Mulan a good billion times or so. And that was back when it was on VHS. So there.

My neighbor loaned me Up on Blu-ray. I'm gonna cry. I know I'm going to cry. So I am kind of postponing it by writing this blog. A blog that has nothing to do with anything other than saying I'm a total pansy. And that, no matter how old I am, or what else I may watch on TV or at the theater, Disney will make me cry.

And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

-Newt

When I grow up I wanna be Galadriel

So, I work days. My boyfriend works nights. During the night, I receive periodic texts about how his evening is going, what he is up to, or not up to. It’s a great way to wake up, especially if he has a few drinks after work and gets sappy. Last night he wasn’t feeling too well so he stayed home from work and rested. And watched Lord of the Rings, and geeked out. And then told me about It this morning. So I told him I wanted to be Galadriel. She’s smoking hot, and got elf ears. If I ever went ‘the other way’, that might be the way I went. Fantasy elf and all.

My boyfriend on the other hand, wants to be Aragorn, or even Boromir, or Legolas (which cracks me up as I currently have a 3-legged dog that I call Leg-o-less). Or even Merry or Pippin. This does not bode well for our love life. Maybe I’ll change who I want to be to Arwen. That way I can at least hook up with my boyfriend, in this fictitious role-playing grown up land we’re going to. However, not Sam or Frodo….Apparently the sordid love affair between them weirds him out a little. It weirds me out too honestly. Just…you know…admit the love and move on. Closeted hobbits are probably not a good thing. Kinda makes you wonder who’s gonna be on top though?

Honestly I think since they are both rockin that hairy foot look, they’d both be bears…but they’ve got those clean shaven faces, so maybe they are cubs!?

I don’t know! I haven’t studied Hobbit Homosexuality lately.

Guess it’s never too late to start?

-Newt

I have no idea what Newt is talking about, creating a blog is easy.
Step 1: Have someone else suggest you do a blog and agree with them.
Step 2: Have said person find a good site for the blog and come up with a name. You may need to help come up with a name. Or at least pretend to.
Step 3: Throw out some useless ideas for any other questions this person may ask you. Eventually they will come up with their own answers. If he/she happens to like one of your answers, they are probably high on vicodin. But score, because then you can say you helped.
Step 4: Just start writing shit. it doesn't matter what you write really, because it's your blog. Now if you want other people to read it, you're fucked. Because now you have to be interesting and/or funny. You also have to learn how to spell.

-- Adam (The Jew)

Okay, so...Making a blog is a lot of fucking work. Jew and I have been at it for a good half hour now. I'm high on vicodin for my broken assbone, and he's an east coaster, so we're both out of it. He's Jewish (obviously) and thinks I am Newt from Aliens. (Now you know where the names come from, awesome right?). This is going to be our rants. Well probably mostly my rants, I am a lot funnier than he his. Now I want you all to know, this started because he sent me a link to a shirt. Again. And I want it. So feel free to purchase it for me. However, if you think this blog sucks, which it probably does, fuck you, and too bad. I intend to keep writing. Also, we are actually STILL making the stupid fucking blog name. He just suggested tigersnooze as our webaddress. I'm pretty sure he is slightly retarded now.

-Newt