Maverick

Around 6 years ago or so, I went with my mother to meet a woman in a grocery store parking lot. Puppy, advertised relatively cheaply. We were hesitant, it was a little expensive. But as this dog popped his little puppy head over the womans shoulder I knew instantly my mother would get the dog. We think he was abused before we got him. He was always a little weird. He had major separation anxiety. He broke a screen on a window when we were gone and was sitting on our grass when we got home. He went through 2...I think only 2, door frames into the garage. He was mean sometimes, he got bit by the neighbor child and then got a little more aggressive. We'd been working on that. He was a douche sometimes. But he was also my protector. When I had my surgery he curled up with me all the time and made sure no one bumped me. When my brother and I play fought he would jump at my brother and keep me safe. He was my baby. We would sleep next to each other all the time and he snored like a person. When he got hurt two days ago, I never imagined the result would be that we had to put him down this morning. But the surgery, not only super expensive, was not a guaranteed fix. And it would take 3 months of 24 hour care, which we just cannot do right now. I miss him so much right now, and I hope to God that he is happy in Heaven right now, wagging his tail down at us. I love you Maverick.

-Newt

Tolerance WTF.

So, I like to think I am pretty tolerant of other peoples political views.  I never press my views upon anyone, and tend to discuss them only with like minded people.  I find it AWESOME today that by posting on twitter that I find the double standard of people I know (Like my supervisors and coworkers) discussing politics that differ from my own, openly, and berate the politicians they are discussing by calling them airheads, idiots, (one friend even said the anti-Christ) I Get bashed.  I really don't care what your politics are.  However, in my place of employment, wether it is mostly Democratic or not to my Republican, I don't think it should be discussed at all, unless it will directly affect how we operate.  Calling someone an airhead doesn't do anything for operations.  And frankly the double standard is annoying.  I don't care for many of the Presidents politics, yet never have I in a public forum bashed him.  He is still the president.  We still need to support him.  But the moment I mention that I am a Republican I get all sorts of interesting hate messages.  Some people simply saying they are surprised they are my friend, others telling me to go jump off a cliff, etc.  I find this fascinating, because AS a Republican, I have NEVER told any of my democratic friends that I want them to jump off a cliff, or that I am startled we are friends.  Simply because, as friends you shouldn't judge them.  Shocking, I know.  Good call for tolerance people.  Nice to know you practice what you preach.
 
-Newt

P.S. If you don't like it. Don't follow me. I don't care.

Something a little more serious

So, as a general rule I refrain from posting too much in the way of seriousness on this blog. I find it easier overall to just be silly and post things that make people laugh. But this last week and a half have been particularly rough for me, emotionally and physically. And I have no one local to talk about it anymore. If you don't want to read a serious post, skip this one, I don't mind.

My closest friend and I both got drunk and in a huge argument. Like most arguments go, both of us think we are the wronged party, and even after we kind of explained it to one another, we haven't really talked much. I'm not sure we will. I definitely feel wronged, and I am sure she does, and since we're both uniquely stubborn it will probably simmer for a long while before one of us breaks to talk to to the other. I don't really blame her, but I'm still hurt at the moment, and I'm sure she is as well. So, needless to say I feel very alone right now. We still had problems in our friendship regardless, she often said or did things that seemed like she had a problem with the way I acted or behaved anyway. I often felt like she had to be in total control of a situation and if I stepped out of that zone it would upset her. I don't know anymore.

My ex and I, who were friendly, also had a fight that same night. Again we both feel wronged, but in particular I felt betrayed and that he had picked sides and I was the one left alone. He's apologized, but I still feel like that trust that we had to back each other is gone and it doesn't make me happy. So I feel alone there too. And I miss him, he was my confidant.

I've had my third abnormal pap smear also, for those that don't know, that is a bad thing, especially as I keep having them. The realities of it, are that I could, potentially have cancer, or possibly have too much damage in whatever is going on down there. Some people know that I've had significant 'girlie' problems over the last few years and it seems to be getting progressively worse. The doctors aren't saying much but there's a chance I will never be able to have children. I'm trying to stay positive on this and think of the plus sides...such as (once I have my tummy tuck following weight loss) I will have an awesome stomach forever. Also, if I get my boobs done (another surgery hopefully covered by insurance) those will be perky until I'm 90. Maybe 91. So I go on May 18th to get more stuff looked at and possibly have chunks cut out of me for biopsy. (woo?). I've done it before, and it hurts, but I'll have the day off work.

On top of all that I've had vertigo for nearly 5 days now. In fact as I type this, the screen is kind of rocking back and forth from side to side, or so my eyes tell me. I don't like this constant dizzy feeling, and about an hour ago it started to get a lot worse than it has been. I went to the doctor this morning and gave away 17 vials of blood, no charge, for testing. The doctors hope that this part of it is just anemia based, but we'll see. I'm trying to stay positive there too. If it is iron deficiency anemia, my doctor is going to get me into a blood specialist and see about transfusions. So that will hopefully help.

My grandmother died a few weeks ago, and I've got a lot of guilt pent up about that. I hadn't seen her much lately. It was upsetting to us both, as she thought I was her daughter that passed away. That upset her, when realization set in, and I just didn't want to remember my grandmother as frail.

I don't know, I feel very alone these days. People I had thought were my friend have gone silent. I think because they were friends with the girl I fought with first. I see them talking to other people, but I'm left by the wayside. I'm not sure how that is friendship but I guess that is how it goes. I've never been the most sociable of people to begin with, and I think I was crawling out of my shell. But it all seems to be shot down right now.

Instead I've been trying to immerse myself in other things, work when I can, trying to figure out my plans for school, listening to audio books. (Those work great with my A.D.D. tendencies as I can listen while I hop around from task to task). I try to chat with people when I can online, but it's holding less appeal than it used to. I think I'm allowing a pretty shitty depression to take over me and I am not sure how to break out of it right now. The weather certainly isn't helping. I hate gloomy days.

I miss my friends, I miss being out and about. I miss being happy to be by myself. I don't know anymore though. Sometimes being alone is easier. Just not happier.

-Newt

Gays are violent?

So. I am not Gay. I don't care if you are. What you wanna stick where or with who isn't my concern. However! Facebook thinks I am gay. My daily Advertisements consist of frequent Gay ads, and okay, whatever. HOWEVER! FACEBOOK YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!

Gays are violent?!?! Really?! Are all Gays Gun-toting Dominatrix women or something!?

That's actually kind of hot.

But I digress. These ads are getting weirder and weirder. Someone stop the facebook madness. Please.

-Newt

Clash of the Titan Review (possible spoilers)

Things I learned while watching Clash of the Titans

1) It is totally okay to be a creepy stalker pervert cougar as long as you are ageless.
2) Being a demi god gives you instant ninja skills
3) I don't like 3D movies. At all.
4) When the gods gift you with a sword, it's totally a lightsaber in disguise.
5) Random poisons can be healed by blue flame
6) To be a god on Mount Olympus, one must submit to being bedazzled.
7) Snake ladies are not nice, but they have nifty arrows.
8) If you are going to turn a SUPERHUGEGINORMOUSMONSTROUSLYLARGE Monster to stone, in the ocean, prepare for a big splash.
9) You will not drown. You will simply wash up on shore holding hands and come to later.
10) while I am deathly afraid of things that fly, and horses are not my all time favorite animal, I, for some reasons, want a Pegasus.
11) Trailers for movies about owls are lame.
12_ If, when looking at Hades, you say Oh my Goth, and you're brother thinks you said Sephiroth....both are kinda relevant.


And that's all I can think of for now. I am dozing off already. So. Bye

-Newt

Morton Salt

So. I don't get the Morton Salt slogan on the container. When it rains it pours? WTF. When things are bad they are going to get worse? AND WE'RE GOING TO POUR SALT ON THE FUCKING WOUND?!?!

Assholes.

-Newt

Dear little brother

Dear Little Brother,
 
You almost died today.  And I do not mean in that Call of Duty, Halo, or whatever the heck it is you were playing at 5 am way.  I mean in the "Yes I understand you are on Spring Break but I, your darling sister, am not, and I have to get up for work early today" way.  I wholeheartedly understand your need to tell the people on your team 'DUDE OMG WTF BBQ' when they mess up, or get in your way.  I ALSO TRULY do understand you needing to yell 'DUDE I STABBED YOU 65 TIMES!' at the TV when the bad guys don't die.  However, if you do not cease and desist this behavior at 5 AM, except on weekends, I may be forced to come in your room and strangle you while you sleep.  I know I cannot do this when you are awake, as I am not very strong and you are 10 years younger than me, and probably more agile, but you sleep like the dead when you are asleep, and I could probably throttle you before you even woke up.  Remember when the house alarm went off and you slept through it?  This is proof I could probably win a battle.
 
Please cease and desist.  You ARE my brother, and I DO love you, but I am not afraid to kick the snot out of you on a work day.
 
Love always,
 
Newt.

OCD much?

So.  I have a slightly obsessive personality.  I say this light heartedly.  But it's true.  What?  Do I have over 70 hours clocked into FFXIII, and have finished GOW3, and work full time, and go out at night and not get home until 4 am and get up for work at 7?  Yes.  And I fully plan on crashing the eff out when I get home tonight from work.  Yea that's right, I am writing a blog at work, but on my break, cause I value having my job.  (Also they can read our emails and since I will be emailing this to myself to post from my phone because the blog site is blocked at work, it never hurts to kiss posterior) <3<3<3.  (OH BTW I would like to point out that my office feels like winter, and I don't like it) Anyway.  Back to my Obsessiveness.  Today I am obsessed with a new blog to the point of distraction.  I am pretty sure the chick is in my head.  She writes how I think.  But not how I am clever enough to write.  Once my fingers touch the keyboard I pretty much become idiotic and start drooling like an idiot, making fart jokes, or whatever.
 
ANYWAY!  Gosh, no focus here today.
 
So Adam (Who gets to be called nice names [Like ADAM] in this blog today because I am going to send it from my work email) and I have decided we need to be funnier.  And so I will try to be more clever, and Adam is going to draw stick figures.  And ITS NOT PLAGIARIZING IF HE DRAWS HIS OWN STICK FIGURES!  Though if it is, somehow, that's all on him cause I can't draw.  So there.  Loser.


-newt.